Daily journal: 6. For BETTER or WORSE

You know…sometimes you feel its getting better but you fear from behind Murphyโ€™s laws, or at least I do. Its like, if you have a glance at a good news or a good situation you want to keep it just for you, you want to enjoy it by yourself but not because youโ€™re selfish, no.. because youโ€™re afraid that it will be teared apart if you announce it, if you share it with others, if you enjoy it. These are universal laws: the more people know about your life, the harder will get, they want to involve into it and eventually will ruin it intentionally or not.

Thatโ€™s why when I got a good news I tried to keep it for myself or for the ones involved. When I started talking about it.. was like the universe came and took it from me saying โ€œNop, rookie mistake, I told you not to enjoy it, now watch it burn.โ€

Life is not white or black so maybe it wasnโ€™t because I spoke, but because I was insecure about the news, insecure about myself thinking deeply that it wont work out but never admitting it…

Maybe it all started because of my thinking and it wasnt any law there, were just my energy, my thoughts and my fears.

What do you believe about these: universe, energies, laws and fears?

Fighting


๐’ซ๐‘’๐‘œ๐“…๐“๐‘’ ๐’ถ๐“‡๐‘’ ๐’ป๐’พ๐‘”๐’ฝ๐“‰๐’พ๐“ƒ๐‘”โ€ฆone way or another, with, between them or against something else. Itโ€™s an endless struggle we call life. Sometimes we are optimistic, looking forward to the near future, looking at what we can do  and on the other hand, we are seeing the pessimistic side, we focus on what we canโ€™t do, on how bad things turn up to be. With these said, itโ€™s hard to find a balance, that same balance which we are anger to achieve. Iโ€™m also stuck in finding this balance, in finding the good in the bad, in finding the solution that simply lies ahead.

Sometimes I wish things were easier, people were kinder, but that is not a thing which we can control.  Everyone is choosing ๐“‰๐’ฝ๐‘’๐’พ๐“‡ ๐‘œ๐“Œ๐“ƒ ๐“…๐’ถ๐“‰๐’ฝ, creating their own laws and principles so if those match yours itโ€™s luck I suppose, but if donโ€™t, you need to accept them with no further questions after all each one of us has the right to live as he pleases. 

So why itโ€™s so hard to let the people around us take a different path?

๐’ช๐“‡ ๐“‰๐‘œ ๐“๐‘’๐“‰ ๐“‰๐’ฝ๐‘’๐“‚ ๐’ฝ๐’ถ๐“‹๐‘’ ๐“‰๐’ฝ๐‘’๐’พ๐“‡ ๐‘œ๐“Œ๐“ƒ ๐’ธ๐‘œ๐“ƒ๐’ธ๐‘’๐“…๐“‰๐“ˆ ๐‘’๐“‹๐‘’๐“ƒ ๐’พ๐’ป ๐“‰๐’ฝ๐‘’๐“Ž ๐’น๐’พ๐“ˆ๐’ถ๐‘”๐“‡๐‘’๐‘’ ๐“Œ๐’พ๐“‰๐’ฝ ๐“Š๐“ˆ, ๐“Œ๐’พ๐“‰๐’ฝ ๐‘œ๐“Š๐“‡ ๐“Œ๐’ถ๐“Ž ๐‘œ๐’ป ๐“๐’พ๐’ป๐‘’?

Maybe we are attracted to others, and we think we can take them with us, as we are selfish beings, maybe we need them in our lives to fill the empty place in our emotion that we failed to create. Why are we clinging to them even or especially when they donโ€™t want us?

๐ผ๐“‰ ๐’พ๐“ˆ ๐’ท๐‘’๐’ธ๐’ถ๐“Š๐“ˆ๐‘’ ๐“Œ๐‘’ ๐“‰๐’ฝ๐’พ๐“ƒ๐“€ ๐“Œ๐‘’ ๐’ธ๐’ถ๐“ƒ ๐’ถ๐’ธ๐’ฝ๐’พ๐‘’๐“‹๐‘’ ๐‘’๐“‹๐‘’๐“‡๐“Ž๐“‰๐’ฝ๐’พ๐“ƒ๐‘”, ๐’ธ๐“Š๐“โ€™ ๐“Œ๐‘’ ๐’ถ๐“‡๐‘’ ๐’ธ๐’ถ๐“…๐’ถ๐’ท๐“๐‘’ ๐‘œ๐“‡ ๐’พ๐“‰ ๐’พ๐“ˆ ๐’ท๐‘’๐’ธ๐’ถ๐“Š๐“ˆ๐‘’ ๐“Œ๐‘’ ๐’ถ๐“๐“Œ๐’ถ๐“Ž๐“ˆ ๐“‰๐’ฝ๐’พ๐“ƒ๐“€ ๐“Œ๐‘’ ๐’ธ๐’ถ๐“ƒ ๐’ธ๐’ฝ๐’ถ๐“ƒ๐‘”๐‘’ ๐“‰๐’ฝ๐‘’๐“‚ ๐‘œ๐“‡ ๐’ฝ๐‘’๐“๐“… ๐“‰๐’ฝ๐‘’๐“‚?

Until now, I tried not voluntarily or consciously to change and to help others. Iโ€™ve always said to myself : people donโ€™t change, unless they want to and that of course needs a tremendous power of will from them, but I donโ€™t know why I tried to stick with them even if I knew the chances were all against. Well I like competition, I like to win and I like to see the smiles upon otherโ€™s faces when Iโ€™m with them, I like to make them happy, but I donโ€™t know why I insisted so much to help them under the pretexts that maybe they donโ€™t know how to help themselves or they are too shy or they donโ€™t have the power or the support to do it. The answer was always in front of me: if they want, they will do it, but I guess I never wanted to believe the fact that they donโ€™t want to. Iโ€™ve always found reasons why they canโ€™t cuzโ€™ I was afraid to find why they donโ€™t want.

๐‘€๐’ถ๐“Ž๐’ท๐‘’ ๐ผโ€™๐“‚ ๐’ฟ๐“Š๐“ˆ๐“‰ ๐’ท๐‘’๐’พ๐“ƒ๐‘” ๐“ƒ๐’ถรฏ๐“‹๐‘’ ๐“‰๐’ฝ๐’พ๐“ƒ๐“€๐’พ๐“ƒ๐‘” ๐“‰๐’ฝ๐’ถ๐“‰ ๐’น๐‘’๐‘’๐“… ๐’น๐‘œ๐“Œ๐“ƒ ๐“‰๐’ฝ๐‘’๐“Ž ๐’ฝ๐’ถ๐“‹๐‘’ ๐“€๐’พ๐“ƒ๐’น๐“ƒ๐‘’๐“ˆ๐“ˆ ๐’ถ๐“ƒ๐’น ๐’พ๐“‰โ€™๐“ˆ ๐“ƒ๐‘œ๐“‰ ๐‘’๐“‹๐‘’๐“‡๐“Ž๐“‰๐’ฝ๐’พ๐“ƒ๐‘” ๐’ฟ๐“Š๐“ˆ๐“‰ ๐’ถ ๐“‡๐‘’๐’ธ๐“€๐“๐‘’๐“ˆ๐“ˆ ๐“ˆ๐’ฝ๐’พ๐“… ๐’ธ๐“‡๐“Š๐“ˆ๐’ฝ๐’พ๐“ƒ๐‘” ๐“‰๐‘œ ๐’ถ๐“ƒ ๐’ถ๐’พ๐“ˆ๐’ท๐‘’๐“‡๐‘”.