Daily journal: 6. For BETTER or WORSE

You know…sometimes you feel its getting better but you fear from behind Murphyโ€™s laws, or at least I do. Its like, if you have a glance at a good news or a good situation you want to keep it just for you, you want to enjoy it by yourself but not because youโ€™re selfish, no.. because youโ€™re afraid that it will be teared apart if you announce it, if you share it with others, if you enjoy it. These are universal laws: the more people know about your life, the harder will get, they want to involve into it and eventually will ruin it intentionally or not.

Thatโ€™s why when I got a good news I tried to keep it for myself or for the ones involved. When I started talking about it.. was like the universe came and took it from me saying โ€œNop, rookie mistake, I told you not to enjoy it, now watch it burn.โ€

Life is not white or black so maybe it wasnโ€™t because I spoke, but because I was insecure about the news, insecure about myself thinking deeply that it wont work out but never admitting it…

Maybe it all started because of my thinking and it wasnt any law there, were just my energy, my thoughts and my fears.

What do you believe about these: universe, energies, laws and fears?

Daily journal: 5. LOVE

What is love about?

Why these celebrations are so overrated?

Love its not about proving 1-2 days per year that you love the other one, that you care. Its an action that you do everyday.

Why do people constrain themselves in an one day proof of their feelings? It is like you dont feel the same in rest of the time, which in most of cases its not true.

I know not everyone does this, but some do and I think its sad that now, in 2021, we are not able to express our feelings properly without hiding after a celebration Love Day.

True feelings are powerful, expressing yourself means courage. The power comes from assuming your feelings, from facing them, from proving and sustaining them in front of your own fears.


Daily journal: 4. CHAOS

๐™‹๐™–๐™จ๐™ฉ ๐™™๐™–๐™ฎ๐™จ ๐™ฌ๐™š๐™ง๐™š ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š ๐™ฌ๐™ค๐™ง๐™จ๐™š ๐™–๐™ฃ๐™™ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š ๐™—๐™š๐™จ๐™ฉ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ ๐™ž๐™ฃ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š ๐™˜๐™ช๐™ง๐™ง๐™š๐™ฃ๐™ฉ๐™ก๐™ฎ ๐™จ๐™ฉ๐™–๐™ฉ๐™š ๐™ค๐™› ๐™ข๐™–๐™™๐™ฃ๐™š๐™จ๐™จ.

All started with my dog running from home on an evening, 3 February, 21:00-22:00. It was a cold night, the air was covered in mist and the rain it was slowly purring in a frozen state. That night I looked for him for 3-4 h outside calling and yelling, desperate, thinking if he will be ok over this cold time or if somebody took him and doesn’t want to let him go. I put announces on Facebook, Instagram, on groups with lost animals and I couldn’t sleep all night. I has him since he was a baby, i raised him, I fed him with a baby bottle milk, I mean he is a part of my family, a member not just a pet. All night I went outside calling him at the gate, on the street, hoping he will pop out and he will return home, but no success.

On the internet a lot of people shared my post, looking for my dog.. So at 12:00-13:00 I received a call from a woman saying she found my dog on a post at another woman and she was sure he is mine. She sent me the picture with the post and there he was, on the street, near a concrete pillar. I contacted the other woman who made the post, she asked me for picture to be sure he is mine, after all confirmed she said he is near her house, on the streets, very scared, looking poorly. He was like 3 tram stations from me, I rushed to the station and I called my cousin to come with the car and we went in pursue. We yelled after him, calling on the streets, asking people but I couldn’t find him. My cousin said he has to continue working cuzโ€™ he was delivering packages, so I called my mother saying to her to come after me to keep looking… And right there, we were driving and all of the sudden my cousin said he saw something and he turned the car 180 fast at a corner. Guess what… There he was my dog, staying at the corner of the street, we rushed to him, leaving the car open, the doors , everything,. The dog, Toffee, by his name, he was scared and shocked, he ran a couple meters and after that he saw me and came to me. At that time, my cousin grabbed him and we got in the car. We took him home, safely. It took him a couple days but now he is playing, jumping and enjoying the time with us.

It was a tremendous story, when you are at the point of losing somebody, human or animal, something happens in your mind, your adrenaline increases, your courage. You find solutions, you don’t find excuses, you go till the end of the Earth.

๐™„ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™  ๐™ฉ๐™๐™ž๐™จ ๐™ž๐™จ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™š ๐™ข๐™ค๐™จ๐™ฉ ๐™ฅ๐™ค๐™ฌ๐™š๐™ง๐™›๐™ช๐™ก ๐™›๐™š๐™š๐™ก๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ ๐™ฌ๐™š ๐™๐™–๐™ซ๐™š, ๐™‡๐™Š๐™‘๐™€.


Daily journal: 3. WEIRD

Everything moves so fast in our life and yet your state of mind perceives it so slow. High and low, that’s the state now. It’s weird, I started talking to people and it felt good, it felt different.. not right because for the moment it can’t be right but it was enough for the moment. I know that it starts and it ends because of me, I just hope that we can find the strength to move forward no matter what is holding us down.

What is holding you down?


Daily journal: 2. THOUGHTS

I woke up like from a nightmare, it was warm but it riped apart the feelings. It was like an avalanche coming inside out. At first I was confused then I realisez how much it bothered me what happened lately. All the thoughts we have at night increase trough sleep and get deeper, thatโ€™s why when I woke up I felt exhausted. You know itโ€™s just another daily struggle and we are causing it. I overthink everything, I empathise.. huge advantages in understand the world but huge mistakes for my internal self. Is it bad to want to understand others? Is it bad to want to pull them to you? Maybe, but rationally you canโ€™t go over otherโ€™s will.

I started writting another day of my struggle, Why? I dont know, it makes me feel better the thought that someone is listening, maybe they find themselves in this, maybe they overcame it or just maybe Iโ€™m being selfish.

Why so many thoughts? Is it better to sealed them?


Daily journal: 1. LOST

I had some thoughts these days. Sometimes I get this feeling like Iโ€™m choking, like Iโ€™m just sinking deeper, floating at the bottom.. with no rope to hold on, no hand to pick me up. I think itโ€™s not just a feeling, itโ€™s my poor state of mind. Rationally I know that we have to move on, to go forward but all my ties are cut off, I saw them piece by piece breaking apart. How can you move on when you feel this emptiness in you and around you?! How can you be happy again when all the reasons to be seem not enough? Maybe itโ€™s expecting too much? Maybe they were not the right people around?

What makes you move forward? What drives you to be happy? What are you dealing with?